Last Friday, July 21st, I was playing basketball, and I tripped and fell on my right hip. I had a hard fall on a concrete surface, and I broke my right hip. The next day, Saturday, July 22nd, I had right total hip replacement surgery, and I'm now walking slowly eight days post-op.
I'd been running eight miles a day, but I'm now just getting to the point where I can walk without a cane. So my ability to do various physical activities is suddenly much more limited. I need help getting my socks and shoes on. I have to use a walker to support myself when I get out of bed in the morning. I have to be very careful not to get pressure sores on my lower back and heels during the night, since I have to lay flat on my back. I have to use ice packs on my right thigh to bring down the swelling. I still have numbness below the surgical site on my right leg.
This experience has been life-changing for me. My physical expectations of myself have been dramatically altered. I can now better recognize how fragile in some respects my body may be, and I can better understand and appreciate the importance and preciousness of having an overall sense of physical health and well-being.
At the same time, it's also been an opportunity to interrogate my need to feel physically independent and self-sufficient. It's been an opportunity to discard my feelings of shame and embarrassment when I have to get undressed in front of others in order to bathe or to have medical care. It's also been an opportunity to develop an even greater love and understanding and intimacy with my wife, who's been so loving, caring, patient, reassuring, and wonderful in taking care of me during my recovery.
My feelings of being physically limited, and my uncertainty regarding the timeline and extent of my future recovery have led me to review some of the reading I did a few years ago about the concept of self-limiting beliefs, which has been a subject of research in behavioral medicine and cognitive behavioral therapy.
I think some of my own present self-limiting beliefs include "I won't ever be able to be fully physically fit again," "I'll only be able to do low level physical training," and "I won't ever be able to do strenuous exercise again." Some of my more long-standing self-limiting beliefs include "I don't have the social skills," "I don't have the technical skills," "I don't have the professional connections," "I won't be accepted," and "I'm not qualified."
Why do people so often feel they're defective or broken in one way or another? Why do people so often feel they're not strong enough or not good enough? This feeling can be reflected in many kinds of emotional, cognitive, and behavioral disorders.
Self-limiting beliefs or core limiting beliefs may be basic beliefs about ourselves that modify other beliefs. They may be foundational, in the sense that they may seem self-evident to us and may be a foundation for other beliefs. They may be longstanding and difficult to change. They may begin in childhood and continue through adulthood. They may be conscious or unconscious. They may also be ways in which we label ourselves, such as by saying "I'm not good at math" or "I'm not good at public speaking" or "I'm not good at getting to know people."
Self-limiting beliefs are beliefs that restrict our social functioning, and that prevent us from living life as freely, actively, joyfully, creatively, and lovingly as we can.1 Examples include the beliefs, "I'm not good enough," "I'm worthless," "I'm not valued," "I'm unworthy," "I'm a mistake," "I'm weird," "I'm a failure," "I have no future," "I'm unlovable," "Nobody cares about me," "Something's wrong with me," "Something's wrong with my body," "Something's wrong with the way I look," "I'm weak," "I'm defective," "I'm broken," "I have no control," "I'm not smart enough," and "I don't belong."
One way of modifying self-limiting beliefs is by looking at the evidence for them and seeing whether there are facts that don't fully support them or that serve as counter-evidence against them. Another way of modifying self-limiting beliefs is by looking at whether they help us in our social functioning, whether they really represent who we are, and whether they truly reflect who we want to be.
I think that for us as Christians, another way of modifying negative or self-limiting beliefs may also be to remember that even when we're undergoing misfortune, hardship, or suffering, God is with us. God hasn't forgotten us. God won't abandon us. God will be our strength and salvation. God loves us. God sees us as worthy of being loved. God will encourage us. God will comfort us. God will take care of us. God has a plan for us, and God has a purpose for us.
That's a reason why Romans 8:28, which is included in the epistle reading for today (Romans 8:26-39), is perhaps my favorite verse of scripture. While I'm not a Greek scholar, I've been trying to better understand the meaning of the verse as it appears in Greek:
Οἴδαμεν δὲ ὅτι τοῖς ἀγαπῶσιν τὸν Θεὸν πάντα συνεργεῖ εἰς ἀγαθόν, τοῖς κατὰ πρόθεσιν κλητοῖς οὖσιν.
Oidamen (we know) de hoti tois agaposin ton Theon (that to those loving God) panta sunergei eis agathon (all things work together for good), tois kata prothesin kletois ousin (to those according to [His] purpose being called). In the King James Version, this verse is translated as, "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." In the Revised Standard Version, it's translated as, "We know that in all things God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose." And in the New International Version, it's translated as," We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I think it's important to note that while the Greek verb συνεργεῑν (sunergein) means "to work together," God not only works for good with those who love him, God also works for good in and through those who love him. We each have a purpose for which we are called. And God has given us everything we need in order for us to fulfill his purpose for us. Let me repeat that: God has given us everything we need in order for us to fulfill his purpose for us. Even though we may not be aware of it, God has given us everything we need to fulfill our destiny. God has given us everything we need for victory.
I think it's also important to note that it's for those who love God and who are called according to his purpose that all things work together for good. For all things to work together for good, we must love God and be called according to his purpose. If we love God and are called according to his purpose, then God will always be working for good for us in all things.
Another reason Romans 8:28 is meaningful to me is that we all endure hardship and suffering at one time or another, and we want to know what God's response is to that suffering. During the course of each liturgical year, we have many lectionary readings from Paul about the theme of suffering. Romans 8:28 tells us that even though God may not have caused our brokenness or suffering, God is at work in a broken and suffering world. God is always working for good for us, and God is always working for good in and through us. And if we love God, then we'll fulfill God's purpose for us.
FOOTNOTES
1John J. Prendergast, "Recognizing Core Limiting Beliefs," in Utne Reader, Dec. 10, 2019, online at https://www.utne.com/mind-and-body/core-limiting-beliefs-ze0z1912zhoe/
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